Brush it off and SLAY.
This an article about strength... but also about weakness. I recently overcame a pretty brutal breakup. No need to go into details. No point in pointing fingers. Suffice it to say I was shocked, I was nauseous, and yeah, I cried a river. A brutal, giant river of tears that the guy definitely did not deserve. But then I put on my big girl panties, built a bridge over aforementioned river, and walked the f*ck over it to the other side. Granted, walking over that bridge took a hell of a lot longer than I'd care to admit, but we don't all heal at the same rate. It's called being human.
Eventually I got past the "Woe-is-me-nobody-understands-what-I'm-going-through-and-life-is-just-ever-so-unfair" stage of post-breakup, and decided maybe somebody out there could benefit from a list of ways this It Girl Friday was finally able to brush off what no longer mattered, get back out into the world, and slay the day.
SO. If you're still trying to figure out how to a build a bridge over your own tears, read on. I dedicate this to you.
This is going to start sounding a bit like a motivational speech, but try to power through.
1) Keep busy.
Moping in bed is clearly not going to do you any good (even if you do have a duvet and 500 pillows). You're not stupid. You already know this. Yes, give yourself some time to feel all the conflicting emotions that are wrestling around your insides and threatening to make you vomit. But keep that time to a minimum. Surround yourself with friends and family. Try not to give yourself too much time to feel like a lost puppy. Reflecting on what happened is okay but obsessively hanging on to what is already dead, is not. Find a hobby. Go out dancing. Start going to the gym and rebuild the confidence you just recently had shattered into a thousand, tiny pieces. But do not, I repeat, do NOT allow yourself to mope over someone who does NOT deserve your tears. Ain't nobody got time for that! *insert sassy finger snap here*
2) Stop stalking.
I cannot stress this enough: STOP LOOKING AT YOUR EX'S SOCIAL MEDIA ACCOUNTS!!! Unless your ex is Ellen DeGeneres or Jimmy Fallon, I highly doubt his or her accounts are interesting enough to pour over for hours at a time, and you're not going to feel any better by seeing who your ex is currently spending his or her time with. Constantly looking through your ex's social media accounts will only lead to jealousy and anger. Don't comment on pictures or "like" posts. Don't reach out at all, in any way. Just cut ties and move on. I know, it's hard. But you can do it.
3) Stop thinking about what you've lost.
Instead, think about what you've gained. Every experience you have is a learning experience. Think of your ex as a guinea pig. Not as the love you lost, and certainly not as the one who got away. A guinea pig. Cute? Probably. But still just a rodent with a short life span. Best to have made mistakes and to have learned from those mistakes with him/her, since you were clearly never meant to be with this person anyway. When you finally do meet "the one," you will (hopefully) have gotten those learning experiences out of the way, and therefore have a stronger, healthier relationship because of it.
Alright, pat yourself on the back. Now let's get fierce.
4) Stop associating objects with memories.
Still think the time spent with your ex was a complete waste? Still a bit pissy over those "lost" years? Alright then, go for a more shallow approach. After my ex and I split up, it seemed like everything in my bedroom reminded me of him. Oh, look, there's the dress he bought me for our first New Year's together. And, hey, that pair of sneakers he surprised me with when I told him I was going to start getting fit at the gym. Everywhere I looked, the gifts I had accumulated over the years were staring me in the face. I couldn't even put on a damn sweater, without it reminding me of him.
At first, I wanted to grab everything he ever gave me, put it in a pile, and set it into a million flames until nothing was left but ashes (yeah, so I was bitter, so sue me). But then I thought better of it. I mean, damn. Might as well walk away having gotten something out of the relationship, right?
So feel free to burn those romantic pictures and cheesy love notes, but hold on to those eye-catching heels. Keep that watch or those badass sunglasses or whatever. It might be hard at first, but train yourself to look at them and see objects, instead of memories. You know you look fierce in those duds. No point in letting them go to waste.
5) Create a playlist.
And don't make some whiny, self pitying "breakup" playlist that's only composed of sad songs and heart wrenching ballads. That's a classic mistake. Instead, create a playlist that will make you feel powerful. One that will force you to realize you're NOT the one who lost out. Create something you can rock out to and not feel an ounce of grief over moving on with your life. Here are a handful of songs I added to my personal, middle finger in the a
ir, no f*cks given, playlist:
1) Margarita, Spin Doctors
This is one of those "One day, I'm going to be so successful, my ex will writhe with jealousy and rue the day he/she let me go," songs.
Fav. line: "Revenge is sweet, but success is sweeter. Take the salt from my wounds and put it in my margarita."
2) Fight Song, Rachel Platten
I love this song because it can be tied to multiple life situations. It pumps you up and reminds you to never let yourself become defeated.
Fav. line: "I might only have one match, but I can make an explosion."
3) Ridin' Solo, Jason Derulo
Listen to this song as you're getting ready to go out on the town and slay the night. You'll leave the house feeling hyped and ready to turn up.
Fav. line: Basically the entire chorus, just repeating "I'm ridin' solo." Belt it and feel baller.
4) Praying, Kesha
This is an extremely powerful song (who would have thought the queen of hangovers and glitter had it in her?!). It's beautiful and haunting, but makes your soul feel cleansed and your heart unburdened. I listened to this song on repeat and, afterwards, felt an inner peace that had been missing for way too long.
Fav. line: "I hope your s
oul is changing. I hope you find your peace, falling on your knees, praying."
5) Because I'm Awesome, Dollyrots
This song has absolutely nothing to do with relationships. It's not deep or meaningful or filled with inspirational lyrics. It's hilarious and vain and everything you need to remind yourself that you're awesome AF."
Fav. lyrics: "I don't need you, 'cause I'm neato. And I beat you, 'cause I'm awesome."
Breakups are rarely ever easy. And sometimes they're really, really messy. But, as cliché as it sounds, what doesn't kill you really does make you stronger. So pick yourself up, channel the fierceness inside, brush off yesterday, focus on today... and SLAY.
Feel free to reach out. I'll be here, as always. Your,
It Girl Friday